The Interview

A week or so ago I was driving home from work, listening to NPR. Bill Cosby and some psychologist with whom he'd written a book were on the show. I got kind of excited as the intro to the show posed this question: "Many young African Americans today are told that they 'act white.' Bill Cosby has asked what, exactly, is acting 'black?'" I really wanted to know the answer to this question as I find it odd that one would demean someone for speaking proper English, doing well in school, ensuring that he will be able to lead a comfortable life and provide for a family should he so choose (this is what people have told me 'acting white' is). So I listened on.

Bill Cosby (whom Temple loves) is a terribly incoherent man. Any time he was asked a question he would simply go off on some tangent about pregnant 13 year olds regardless of what was asked. It was all very confusing. But I continued to try to listen, hoping he might eventually answer the question that roped me into this program in the first place. The host finally asked some question about something and the ever eloquent Cosby started on another unrelated diatribe about dating. I found myself laughing out loud when he described how women date these days.

"It's like a job interview," Cosby quipped. "They want to know where you went to school and what degrees you have, if you have a job, how much you earn, whether you live in an apartment or house, if you own or pay rent, if you still live with your mom and dad, if you have a car, if you have a criminal background. Now, this all starts to make sense when you look at the fact that these girls are walking around with children. Children whose father's don't have a job, probably haven't finished school, live with mom and dad, and have no means to help out these girls with children. So now when these girls meet anyone the first thing they need to know is that they could support children."

I don't have children. I'd like to some day, 2 or 4, but for now none of my past relationships have produced offspring. I have a job, though I do live with mom and dad, and I have a college degree. When I go on dates I do want to know whether or not they've finished college (I really take issue with someone of my generation not having at least a bachelor's degree), have a job, the ability to drive (I spent three years of my life chauffeuring my ex-boyfriend around because he didn't have a driver's license despite the fact that multiple people offered to help him pay for it, etc.) and I like to make sure that they have some sort of future ambitions. I had never thought about these inquiries as an interview, but, quite frankly, they are! I want to make sure that you are up to challenges that are sure to arise should I decide to take you on for the position of "my boyfriend" (I have been single for over 2 years now...seems there are not many who are able to meet my requirements).

I recently read an article from Times Online (a UK site) sent to me by someone I've been seeing. He said that the way the author wrote was extremely reminiscent of my own writing. He was right! In the article the author, Tad Safron, talks about the difference between British and American women's emphasis on physical upkeep. At one point he relates a story about being set up on a date with a woman he had known 15 years prior. Apparently in those 15 years she had "let herself go," so to speak. He was most insulted, however, when the couple who had set them up (friends of his) started trying to sell him to her. I like the idea of having to "sell" yourself or another to someone in order to pique their interest. It sounds like we're chattel or an outdated or unknown electronics brand.

Alas, we do sell ourselves when it comes to dating. We do it when we try to get jobs or get into graduate school. We do it to simply win arguments, sometimes. The trick seems to be to simply amass a great quantity of supposedly desirable qualities that others may not have been able to obtain (and if they were, you just have to ensure that yours is better!). I, for example, will always be jealous when my friend, Gabe, is able to tell people he's just finishing his degree at Yale. This is a quality I will never be able to put on my resume (personal or professional). I, however, can boast that I taught Pilates. He cannot. This is why he's attractive to the cute Yale boys [and girls] and I'm not. It seems that I need to continue to to bolster my outstanding qualities so I can compete with the Gabe's of the world.

P.S. Cosby never did answer the question as to what "acting black" is. Thus, I suppose, I'm left to scratch my head and simply observe the loud women on Septa each day. Maybe I should ask them myself...No, no, that would certainly result in a beating. *Sigh* I'll never know. Damn you Cosby!