Comfort and Contentment

B recently enjoyed a vacation near Ft. Lauderdale, FL. It was planned for a month and I knew that she was looking forward to it, not only because nearly everyone looks forward to some time off, but because she will be moving down to FL in a few month's time and this would provide an opportunity to scope it out. The move has her apprehensive, a little nervous. As of now she has nowhere to live and no job lined up. I believe these things will come easily for her and the move will do her good.

So I was not surprised when she told me that she had an anxiety attack when coming back to PA. For the short time that I've known her I've encouraged her to leave and she's expressed the desire to do just that. "This place is toxic for me," she told me last night. It's not that she's unhappy, it's just that this isn't where she needs to be. Apparently this concept is not understood by all. Some people seem to feel that if you are unhappy with where you are then you are unhappy in general. I can't conform to this notion. I was unhappy this time a year ago, not necessarily with life, but with where I was. Then I spent 2 months in Italy. Instant happiness. I wasn't happy when I was living at home in high school, so I moved when I got to college...again, happiness, even though I still lived only 15 minutes from home. This unhappiness related to locale, I reminded B, is one of the reasons people move. She laughed, acknowledging my spot-on assessment.

Selfishly I don't want her to go. I may only see her a few times a month (we try to get together more often, but our schedules often conflict), but I love knowing that if I'm having a particularly terrible day and just need a hug I can call her and she'll be there in a matter of minutes. When she moves to FL I'd have to hop a plane for that pleasure. I also know that in the next 5 years our lives will change dramatically. I have no doubt that with the start of our careers, possible marriages and children we would have been seeing each for less frequently, but I still want to hold on to it for now.

This is true of all my good friends. In the past few months we've gone from being a group of single gals to watching each other get into some highly involved couplings. Mo is back on with someone I think we were all convinced was more of a fling, but they're holding steady and happy. Maddie and her beau are still going strong, with the unfortunate side effect of me not seeing her as often (the acquisition of full time jobs has also not helped). Of course I too am guilty of the pairing off. True, it's technically been the same person for over 2 years now, but it's a bit different as of late. I'm even more giddy in my pleasure than I was before and I simply cannot hide it. I look at myself and my close girlfriends and a little nostalgic sadness bubbles up and I hope that we'll be able to get together for play dates with our children and girl's dinners, maybe even spa dates...

Straddling these phases in life is exciting and nerve-wracking. The changes that we will make in the near future will be tremendous. I have all the most optimistic hopes for my future as well as my friends', but I want to hold on to my girls for as long as can now, while we don't have babies strapped to our chests and husbands to attend to. That said, I've never felt more comfortable or content. If all of life can remain this pleasant then I shall be a happy woman...