Business case for RWD buying Matt an iPhone 2.0, and paying for its continued use after he leaves
Colleagues, friends,
I would like to put forth a business case that it is in RWD's interest to secure for me an iPhone, and continue to financially support the requisite voice and data plans even after my departure. I admit that, on the face of it, the idea seems absurd. What benefits could possibly be worth such a (nominal) expenditure? I submit that the benefits are myriad. Let me make my five point case.
1. It is well known that I, Matt, am a wellspring of creative and profitable business ideas. ("Like what?" you ask. How about saving money on electricity by replacing the third floor roof with a killer skylight? Bam. There's one for free.) Creative and profitable business ideas are evanescent in nature, and , much like a leprechaun, must be captured the moment they appear, else they will surely slip away forever. An iPhone would allow me to capture these ideas the moment they come to me, and send them, unedited, to RWD. Not convinced? Here's another one: Users should be assigned a laptop-buddy, with whom they will share a computer. Together they will be responsible for its care and upbringing. Such shared responsibility will inevitably result in more attention being paid to the needs of the laptop, resulting in longer, happier lifespan for the machines. With RWD purchasing costs decreasing 50%, and the life of laptops increasing ten-fold (presumably), the benefits here should be obvious.
I am willing to sign a binding contract stating that all creative and profitable business ideas I develop while near my iPhone will be the intellectual property of RWD.
2. I will share with RWD all research information obtained from the iPhone. One of the biggest assets I currently bring to RWD is my ability to generate meaningful search queries that generate exactly the desired information. This will include valuable strategic information such as Google searches for "Chinese restaurants in Massachusetts," "reviews of Chinese restaurants in MA," and "Batman," as well as the Wikipedia entry for Batman.
3. The pictures I send from the iPhone of myself enjoying such activities as a) sitting at a computer, b) coming up with creative and profitable business ideas, and c) hanging out with babes, will help fill the void created by my departure, and prevent the rapid and devastating company-wide drop in morale which would otherwise be inevitable.
4. The (negligible) cost of the iPhone and its continued support will be far outweighed by the leads I'll develop for RWD. Though no longer an employee, I won't be able to help gushing about the benefits of whatever RWD does to all the wealthy industrialists one meets in a philosophy PhD program.
5. I'd totally let you borrow it if we were, say, on a long boat ride together. For a while, anyway.
I think by now you must have come to the same conclusion I have: hooking me up with an iPhone is like giving Ben Franklin a kite. The results will shock you. Let me head off some questions:
1. Q: Matt - this is, frankly, one of the best ideas we've ever heard. When can we start?
A: Now works fine for me.
2. Q: Matt - it's been a few months, and we have yet to receive a single creative and profitable business idea from you. What's going on?
A: Dudes, they're on their way. Don't worry about it.
3. Q: Matt - These ideas are bad, and you should feel bad.
A: That's not really a question, is it?
4. Q: Matt - Why couldn't you just use your computer for this stuff?
A: Obviously, I am very pressed for time, and cannot waste any waiting for a computer to boot up.
5. Q: Matt - it seems you have used the iPhone for about a month, then completely forgotten about it. What happened?
A: The what? Oh, yeah. I'm over it, you can have it back.
When you approve this, please feel free to send the iPhone to my home address.
Regards,
Matt
Colleagues, friends,
I would like to put forth a business case that it is in RWD's interest to secure for me an iPhone, and continue to financially support the requisite voice and data plans even after my departure. I admit that, on the face of it, the idea seems absurd. What benefits could possibly be worth such a (nominal) expenditure? I submit that the benefits are myriad. Let me make my five point case.
1. It is well known that I, Matt, am a wellspring of creative and profitable business ideas. ("Like what?" you ask. How about saving money on electricity by replacing the third floor roof with a killer skylight? Bam. There's one for free.) Creative and profitable business ideas are evanescent in nature, and , much like a leprechaun, must be captured the moment they appear, else they will surely slip away forever. An iPhone would allow me to capture these ideas the moment they come to me, and send them, unedited, to RWD. Not convinced? Here's another one: Users should be assigned a laptop-buddy, with whom they will share a computer. Together they will be responsible for its care and upbringing. Such shared responsibility will inevitably result in more attention being paid to the needs of the laptop, resulting in longer, happier lifespan for the machines. With RWD purchasing costs decreasing 50%, and the life of laptops increasing ten-fold (presumably), the benefits here should be obvious.
I am willing to sign a binding contract stating that all creative and profitable business ideas I develop while near my iPhone will be the intellectual property of RWD.
2. I will share with RWD all research information obtained from the iPhone. One of the biggest assets I currently bring to RWD is my ability to generate meaningful search queries that generate exactly the desired information. This will include valuable strategic information such as Google searches for "Chinese restaurants in Massachusetts," "reviews of Chinese restaurants in MA," and "Batman," as well as the Wikipedia entry for Batman.
3. The pictures I send from the iPhone of myself enjoying such activities as a) sitting at a computer, b) coming up with creative and profitable business ideas, and c) hanging out with babes, will help fill the void created by my departure, and prevent the rapid and devastating company-wide drop in morale which would otherwise be inevitable.
4. The (negligible) cost of the iPhone and its continued support will be far outweighed by the leads I'll develop for RWD. Though no longer an employee, I won't be able to help gushing about the benefits of whatever RWD does to all the wealthy industrialists one meets in a philosophy PhD program.
5. I'd totally let you borrow it if we were, say, on a long boat ride together. For a while, anyway.
I think by now you must have come to the same conclusion I have: hooking me up with an iPhone is like giving Ben Franklin a kite. The results will shock you. Let me head off some questions:
1. Q: Matt - this is, frankly, one of the best ideas we've ever heard. When can we start?
A: Now works fine for me.
2. Q: Matt - it's been a few months, and we have yet to receive a single creative and profitable business idea from you. What's going on?
A: Dudes, they're on their way. Don't worry about it.
3. Q: Matt - These ideas are bad, and you should feel bad.
A: That's not really a question, is it?
4. Q: Matt - Why couldn't you just use your computer for this stuff?
A: Obviously, I am very pressed for time, and cannot waste any waiting for a computer to boot up.
5. Q: Matt - it seems you have used the iPhone for about a month, then completely forgotten about it. What happened?
A: The what? Oh, yeah. I'm over it, you can have it back.
When you approve this, please feel free to send the iPhone to my home address.
Regards,
Matt
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