This Explains A Lot

http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/

A website that does, indeed, explain a lot about the way I work. Wonderful little essay.

**Work Rant for the Day**

I am the receptionist. I have been told that I am not to accept deliveries since our mail room is the floor above and it creates extra work for them. So whenever someone holding a box or a bunch of envelopes comes through the door I have to inform them that "all deliveries are to go to xxth floor." Normally I just get a smile and nod; this is a routine these people are used to. Law firms take up more than one floor and the mail room is never on the floor to which the package is addressed. Never.

About 15 minutes ago a man walks in holding a box. I say, "I'm sorry, all deliveries are on the xxth floor."

"What?!" he indignantly replies.

"All deliveries need to go upstairs. I am not supposed to accept packages here." Perfectly reasonable.

"Wha-, what?!" Now the man is turning red and is clearly just not listening to me.

"Our mail room is on xx. I cannot accept packages here."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Is that package a delivery?" I inquire, full well knowing the answer.

"Yeah."

"Then it needs to go to the xxth floor. Where the mail room is. I don't accept deliveries. All deliveries go to the xxth floor." I'm not sure how else to put it to him.

"F*cking [something mumbled]. This is bullshit. You have any idea how many places I've had to f*cking take this thing?!"

I simply shrugged and pointed at the elevator.

I think it's time for me to make a sign to hang on the desk: "ALL DELIVERIES MUST GO TO THE XXTH FLOOR. YES, THAT INCLUDES YOURS"

Financial "Aid"

**Rant Warning**

It must be a misnomer because my law school's financial "aid" office is the most unhelpful place in the world. I have been trying to get them all my documents so that I can receive some aid and actually pay my tuition, allowing me to attend classes. However, for every requested document I send, they want 2 more. When I don't understand one part of a document I call, leave messages, email and try to visit. I often get very vague and unhelpful answers. So it is July 30th, 2008 and I have no financial aid as of yet. Tuition is due August 8th, 2008. Do you think this is going to be good? I don't.

As a result I'm insanely stressed out. I woke up crying on Friday, calmed myself down a bit by having a lovely weekend (I'll put up some pics/videos from NC and from the triathlon I attended Sunday). Today, however, it's all back. Though not on the verge of tears, I'm beyond stressed. I want to go to law school. I want to be able to pay them for this pleasure. However, being 22 I don't really have the income, thus the need for financial aid. SO HELP ME!

I've also made it so that I'm not the only one freaking out about the current state of my financial affairs; seems that I've scared D with the amount of debt that I will have accrued by May 2011. It will require that I work for a big firm upon graduation for 2-5 years. This likely means 60-80 hour weeks and very little time for things like, oh, a family.

However, I am the optimist about this and will simply live like a pauper while I work summers at a firm, saving as much as I possibly can in order to repay my loans ASAP. I will also find some way (because I always find a way) to have a life (which just may include little ones). So while I'm freaked out about my current status, I'm much more zen about my future. Hopefully I'm right about all this...

My Eyes are Burning

I've been ridiculously obsessed with this for the past few days. Apparently I'm late in the game finding it, which is amazing since I do absolutely nothing all day long, 5 days a week.

Vacation Countdown:

1 hour, 15 minutes

Sweet, Sweet Vacation

I can almost smell the ocean at this point. Sure, I'm actually in my 27th floor, air-conditioned office, but if I close my eyes long enough....Unfortunately if I close my eyes long enough I will likely find myself sans-travail pretty quickly.

This is the first year since I was 12 that I'm vacationing with my mother's side of the family. We used to have a house down in Sunset Beach, NC that belonged to my grandmother's best friend, and which my mother helped build. Mrs. Legget has since passed and the house was given to her alma mater as per her will. In recent years (at least the past 5), my mother's older brother, one of her younger brothers, and her youngest sister (my mom is one of 7) have been renting houses in the Outer Banks. Mom and Dad went down a few years ago and said they had a blast (I went to Maine to visit my godmother. Another trip that I must do again soon). The ocean is not nearly as gentle as it was at Sunset Beach and, since it is the Atlantic, can be quite chilly, but a day at the beach is still better than a day anywhere else.

Since I'm an incredibly pale, Irish lass I try to stay out of the sun as much as possible (my mother likens us to cows, always searching for the shady spot). Thus, I started to compile a list of activities other than lounging on the sand that I could do during the 4 short days I'll be there. Of course I want to run, preferably on the beach, but as I'll be staying with little kids I'll be up quite early and the days are long.

So far on my list I have:

• A national wildlife refuge where you can hike and/or kayak
• Hang-gliding
• Parasailing
• Rock climbing
• Shipwreck diving
• Dolphin watch boating

Now, you may be thinking, "Wow! That Faye sure is a get-up-and-go daredevil type!" My friend, you couldn't be further from the truth. I'm a wuss. I'm one of those nerdy kids who liked to hole up with a good book during summer vacation. Yes, I'm that person. But, as of late, I'm tired of being that person. So I've been trying to make an effort to become a bit more interesting. I figure if I'm going to go on vacation I may as well come back with a good story or two. I have absolutely no intention of doing all the things on my list, but if I can come back and say I went parasailing or snorkeling for the first time, why, my chest swells up with pride just thinking about it!

Stay tuned to find out if I actually go through with it...(and cross your fingers that I do!)

Wait...It's Tuesday?

As usual I woke up just a little before my alarm. Without opening my eyes I knew that the blasted beeping would begin any minute because I could hear the birds; the natural indicator that I should be rolling out of bed for my run.

In between the sprints that I've started to incorporate into my daily run I thought to myself, "Alright! It's Wednesday, I'm halfway to vacation!" Then I remembered, no, it's Tuesday. To say I felt a little deflated is an understatement. My whole outlook on the day instantly soured. It felt like I was taking a giant step backwards and getting further from my vacation (I leave on Sunday), even though, in reality, I am a day closer to it.

When my coworker, Tia, got to work she came up to me and said, "When Glenn asked me which I book I needed I told him, 'I don't need any books...it's Wednesday, I don't have class.' He looked at me and said, 'Tia, it's Tuesday.' He just about broke my heart!" I laughed and told her I'd thought the exact same thing since waking up this morning and have been continually reminding myself that it is, in fact, Tuesday.

It turns out at least two more of my coworkers have been feeling the same. I can't quite figure it out. Why is it that we can get so thrown off about days of the week? I was ready to chalk it up to the fact that I have next week off, but these other people don't and they, too, keep getting a day ahead of themselves. To make matters worse, today feels like it's dragging. On top of that I currently have the attention span (and patience) of a gnat.

I am consoling myself with the fact that Nova is on tonight...and I think it'll be a good one (it's the Great Inca Rebellion. I'm really excited and, yes, again, I know I'm a nerd!). I have 2 hours and 10 minutes left until I can bolt out the glass door of the 27th floor, book it 1/4 of a block, down through the Comcast building (with a quick glance at the awesome screen in the lobby) and on to SEPTA for a painfully long commute home (funny how it always feels too short in the mornings). Hopefully this afternoon will move faster than this morning (maybe in inches instead of millimeters? Maybe?).

Rant

Ok, so now that I've survived my evil dream I need to rant.

I recently purchased 13 new items for my summer wardrobe, including 4 adorable dresses that I thought would work wonderfully for any situation (work, weekend, evening, etc.). I am super excited about them because I love dresses, but seem to have issues finding ones that I can wear to work and then out afterwards. One of the dresses is a navy empire waist number with white polka dots. It hits right below the knee and while it has a v-neck, it's not too low (I tried everything on for my mother and she thought this one was adorable). It is sleeveless, but the straps are quite thick.

Having observed what my coworkers (and boss) wear to work each day I decided that my little polka dot dress was appropriate. I felt really pretty and cute this morning and received lots and lots of compliments. Around 10:30am my boss walks by my desk, slowing a little and finally coming over to one side. Very quietly she says, "Do you have a sweater with you?" I was honestly shocked. One of my coworkers, Tina, is also wearing a navy blue and white polka dot, sleeveless dress and she is still, as of 2:30pm, wandering around without a sweater, etc. I did happen to have a black and white short sleeved button down in my bag which I promptly donned, but as you can imagine it looks ridiculous.

I should also mention that my boss favors sleeveless shirts. She wears them all the time. There are 2 other secretaries who are, today, wearing sleeveless shirts. One of the attorneys (female) is wearing spaghetti straps. But do you think they've been reprimanded? Nooooo. I really do feel it's extremely unfair and I'm very upset about the whole thing.

*******

Because it's a very accurate picture of my job

Dreams

There are many times where I wish I knew a little something about dream interpretation. I tend to have vivid dreams that I remember quite well, even if I have a hard time verbalizing them to others. Last night I had a particularly disturbing dream that went something like this:

I was an investigative journalist who had little control over her assignments. On the side of all this I was also trying to deal with an ex of mine who I still think would make a good friend, but he refuses. Anyway, this ex is trying to convince me that we ought to get back together and seems genuinely surprised and angry when I remind him I'm already in a relationship and plan to stay there.

I'm rushing out of the house (it's an unfamiliar house) to go on my next assignment, one that terrifies me. I am supposed to go and test out a theory about how to safely land a plane that is crashing. Mind you, at this time it is only a theory and this is the first test run. My publication has insisted I be in that damn cockpit while they test it out, which means if it doesn't work, I'm dead.

Interestingly I watch this whole flight take place from outside the plane and not inside where "I" am sitting. Anyway, the theory works and while shaken, I'm still alive.

My next assignment is to check out this place that is a center for devil worship. It purports to have someone who actually brings the devil to you. D decides, for whatever reason, to come with me. The "hostess" lets us in and explains that there are many rooms for all different levels of devil worship. Some are just your typical occult practices, with figurines, chants, etc. Some are more intense and lastly there is the room where the devil will physically appear and interact with you. I have to check out all the rooms and D gamely follows along. We come to the devil in physical form room and our hostess tells us this little disclaimer: Believers who go in will come out one of two ways. The first way is satisfied and justified. Their devil worshipping has a point. The second is that you will kill yourself.

For some reason D decides to go first. The only question they ask before letting you in is whether you believe. Not whether you worship the devil, etc., just whether you believe he exists. D comes out and I refuse to go in. We leave and sure enough he kills himself in a rather gruesome manner on which I will not expound here. I am witness to his death which leaves me as a bit of a mental case.

End of Dream.

Absolutely horrific. Needless to say, I didn't have a very restful sleep and today I just want to go home and do normal things like the laundry to bring me back from it all. I feel a bit shaky and can't stop thinking about it, no matter how much I want to. Wretched dreams.

Too Good to Not Share

Business case for RWD buying Matt an iPhone 2.0, and paying for its continued use after he leaves

Colleagues, friends,

I would like to put forth a business case that it is in RWD's interest to secure for me an iPhone, and continue to financially support the requisite voice and data plans even after my departure. I admit that, on the face of it, the idea seems absurd. What benefits could possibly be worth such a (nominal) expenditure? I submit that the benefits are myriad. Let me make my five point case.

1. It is well known that I, Matt, am a wellspring of creative and profitable business ideas. ("Like what?" you ask. How about saving money on electricity by replacing the third floor roof with a killer skylight? Bam. There's one for free.) Creative and profitable business ideas are evanescent in nature, and , much like a leprechaun, must be captured the moment they appear, else they will surely slip away forever. An iPhone would allow me to capture these ideas the moment they come to me, and send them, unedited, to RWD. Not convinced? Here's another one: Users should be assigned a laptop-buddy, with whom they will share a computer. Together they will be responsible for its care and upbringing. Such shared responsibility will inevitably result in more attention being paid to the needs of the laptop, resulting in longer, happier lifespan for the machines. With RWD purchasing costs decreasing 50%, and the life of laptops increasing ten-fold (presumably), the benefits here should be obvious.

I am willing to sign a binding contract stating that all creative and profitable business ideas I develop while near my iPhone will be the intellectual property of RWD.

2. I will share with RWD all research information obtained from the iPhone. One of the biggest assets I currently bring to RWD is my ability to generate meaningful search queries that generate exactly the desired information. This will include valuable strategic information such as Google searches for "Chinese restaurants in Massachusetts," "reviews of Chinese restaurants in MA," and "Batman," as well as the Wikipedia entry for Batman.

3. The pictures I send from the iPhone of myself enjoying such activities as a) sitting at a computer, b) coming up with creative and profitable business ideas, and c) hanging out with babes, will help fill the void created by my departure, and prevent the rapid and devastating company-wide drop in morale which would otherwise be inevitable.

4. The (negligible) cost of the iPhone and its continued support will be far outweighed by the leads I'll develop for RWD. Though no longer an employee, I won't be able to help gushing about the benefits of whatever RWD does to all the wealthy industrialists one meets in a philosophy PhD program.

5. I'd totally let you borrow it if we were, say, on a long boat ride together. For a while, anyway.

I think by now you must have come to the same conclusion I have: hooking me up with an iPhone is like giving Ben Franklin a kite. The results will shock you. Let me head off some questions:

1. Q: Matt - this is, frankly, one of the best ideas we've ever heard. When can we start?
A: Now works fine for me.

2. Q: Matt - it's been a few months, and we have yet to receive a single creative and profitable business idea from you. What's going on?
A: Dudes, they're on their way. Don't worry about it.

3. Q: Matt - These ideas are bad, and you should feel bad.
A: That's not really a question, is it?

4. Q: Matt - Why couldn't you just use your computer for this stuff?
A: Obviously, I am very pressed for time, and cannot waste any waiting for a computer to boot up.

5. Q: Matt - it seems you have used the iPhone for about a month, then completely forgotten about it. What happened?
A: The what? Oh, yeah. I'm over it, you can have it back.

When you approve this, please feel free to send the iPhone to my home address.

Regards,

Matt

Ew

Ew ew ew ew ew!

I'm sitting at my desk, reading a blog that I've quite come to like, waiting out the next 1/2 hour until someone comes to relieve me and I can "relieve" myself. Out of the corner of my eye I see a black spot on my desk...moving. I look a little more closely and it's a hideous, hard shelled, scary looking thing with lots of legs and a direct line toward my arm.

There were two clients waiting for their attorney so I wasn't trying to bring any attention to myself or my (non-important) crisis. Keeping one eye on the nasty bug I opened my top drawer, looking for one the napkins I usually keep in there. All gone. See, other people sit at my desk after I leave and lord knows that nothing is ever the same when I come back in the next morning. It seems someone needed a lot of napkins last night. With some quick thinking I grabbed one of the myriad business cards that vendors like to give me (as if I'm going to pass them on to someone or actually use them myself) and squashed the unwelcome intruder. It made a horrifically disgusting crunching sound. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.

Beethoven & I

My Chinese horoscope (what's creepy is that it repeats a lot of my traditional horoscope traits...I'm an Aries, ruled by Mars...it's a fire sign, etc.):

Tiger people are sympathetic, kind, emotional, and sensitive. At movies, they can cry their eyes out (yes, yes I can)! Despite their kindness, they can be extremely short-tempered. The rage of Tigers is terrible to behold but it also gives them the adrenaline needed for the sublimest of bravery (I do feel much better after a good blow up). The Tiger is also a deep thinker and can make the most astonishing intellectual connections, with great mental agility. On the negative side, they tend to be suspicious and a bit self-centered, OK selfish, and indecisive (I'd dispute it, but...). Above everything, however, the Tiger stands as a supreme emblem of protection over human life, admirable always.

Soup and Oolong Tea are among the keys to good health.

You see the Fire Tiger across the room, making a very dramatic entrance. Suddenly you are mesmerized by the eloquent eyebrows, yes, eyebrows, of that very vital face (my eyebrows are blond and barely noticable). So expressive, this face is positively on fire (I have a very expressive face...you always know what I'm thinking)! Wait a bit longer and you will be caught up in hearing laughter that goes right through the bones and catches you up in it. The Fire Tiger is a thrilling person to know, full of enthusiasm for every aspect of life, optimistic to the core (even if that's tempered with an Eyeore attitude and penchant for negative comments). Even cloudy days are seen for what they are, simply vibrant grays on the verge of exploding into sunshine. Fire Tigers are leaders in the best sense of the word, honest and fair with everyone. They love being boss (why yes, yes I do). Fire Tigers get over any financial difficulties they might encounter very quickly. Although they might not possess great fortunes, they certainly enjoy comforting financial security throughout their lives (oh, thank god). The Charismatic Fire Tiger is full of charisma and has no trouble attracting love and finding lasting relationships. This Tiger loves to play and is enlivened by sensuality and passion. To know Fire Tigers is to love Fire Tigers.

Famous TIGER people: Sun Yat-Sen, Jiang Zemin, Ho Chih Minh,Princess Anne, General Charles de Gaulle, Charles Lindbergh, Beethoven, Queen Beatrix, King Juan Carlos I, Jonas Salk, Queen Elizabeth

An Ode to My Man

My girlfriends and I love this Tom Pappa skit where he talks about how fun it is to get drunk with your girlfriend, unless your girlfriend is more drunk than you. After that point it is no longer fun.

Case in point: Friday 4th, July 2008. We are at one of D's friend's houses. We have a lovely time. I drink way too much (classy, I know, but unfortunately true). Apparently I hold it together really well at D's friend's, but as I got on the phone with my long-lost wife* I started to lose it a bit. D didn't realize just how bad off I was until we started down the stairs to the cab. I slid down numerous steps in my 4" heels, all the while still babbling with wifey. We got home and I totally lost it. Literally. Bathroom floor, flailing, crying, general mayhem.

D got me off the floor and into bed where I passed out until 10:30 Saturday morning. I felt wretched. My stomach was churning, my head would not stop throbbing, my whole body was punishing me for the excess of alcohol the night before. D gamely drove me home after helping me to shower, dress, generally function at 25% capacity. He then called me later in the day to find out how I was.

My boyfriend, my hero.


*B is my "wife" (read: best friend and then some) and recently moved to FL from Philly

**Update**
I just had lunch with D and he informed me that I was quite funny while flailing about on the bathroom floor. This gem he had to share with me: "I'm Irish! I should have a different nose!"

Forget Law, I'm Going into Magic!

Faye: The schedule they seem to have produced for me has my legal analysis class ending at 11:30 and my torts starting at 11:15 on wednesdays

Faye: Somehow I don't think that's going to work

Matt: That would be a rough schedule. You'd need one of those little devices that Hermione had in the Prisoner of Azkaban

Matt: A "Time-Turner"

Faye: hahahahahaha

Faye: Oh, if only 'nova was Hogwarts

Matt: If ONLY

Matt: I'd apply there

Faye: but they could switch me into the Friday 3:40-5:30 torts class. Not as cool a solution to be sure.

Matt: Not by any means. You should dress and act as if 'nova is Hogwarts though

Matt: And "law" is magic

I'm a Big Kid Now!

Yesterday I read an article that said people with children are less happy than those who never have children. It didn't matter whether you were married, single, divorced, living with a partner, etc. Having children decreased happiness. It also creates a dramatic decrease in marital happiness.

Usually, an article like the one I read would send me into a mini panic. This one, however did not. I simply thought it was interesting and was a good little tidbit of knowledge to have as I get older and move closer to a life of marriage, kids and responsibility. For now, I'm contentedly looking forward to my impending "unhappy" marriage ;-)