I spent the weekend on the Choptank River in MD attending a wedding reception/barbecue weekend for one of D's college friends. The whole affair was decidedly low-key: guests were invited to arrive at 2pm and when we showed up at 2:20 both bride and groom were in bathing suits; dinner was a buffet-style burgers, pulled pork, hot dogs, corn, potato salad, mac and cheese, seat-yourself do; no toasts were given, no stuffy formalities; guests were invited to stay overnight on the grounds in tents. The couple was married about 6 weeks ago in a family ceremony and have already been on their honeymoon. Almost everyone we talked to agreed: this is how a wedding should be.
In my opinion the big 150-300 guest events lack a certain level of intimacy that something like, oh say, a wedding seems to demand (will these same people invite everyone they or their parents know to the delivery room when the first child is born? "Oh look everyone, if you peer at my wife's vagina you can see the head crowning! Grab your cameras!"). I've never had visions of a big lavish do for myself. Sure I'd like the pretty dress and some nice flowers, but spending what could be my down-payment on a house for a one day party seems a bit ludicrous. One needs to remember what's important about a wedding: the marriage.
I had recently read an article about post-nuptial blues that overtake some brides after the wedding is over. Some of these women spend a year or more planning their weddings to the smallest details. They hand pick everything and are involved with every aspect. Some of them even quit their jobs to take on planning their party full time. Then, when it's over, what are they left with? A champagne hang-over, a new ring and a new husband. Sounds alright to me (minus the hang over), but without all this planning and anticipation these women don't know what to do. Suddenly they are not the center of attention. Suddenly, for the ones who quit their jobs, they have tons of time to fill and nothing to fill it with. How did we get to this point? And with this kind of mind-set is it really so surprising that so many marriages end up in divorce? Instead of focusing on learning how to live their day to day life with another person, too many brides are focused on a party that will be over in the blink of an eye. Marriage, however, lasts a lifetime (or is supposed to, hence those vows you take...).
This past weekend's wedding makes me feel better about the whole thing. I have a coworker who is planning her wedding and listening to her drone on about place cards and flatware puts me into a coma. Maybe I'm missing some female gene that makes women obsessed with all things wedding, but it simply doesn't interest me (well, admittedly I like to watch "Whose Wedding is it Anyway," but when it comes to thinking about my own I'd rather just pop down to the courthouse with my parents, brother and a few close friends, go out for a great dinner and some dancing and then maybe throw a party later, once we've figured out the logistics of taking two and making one).
To realize that there are other people out there who would rather share the intimate act of exchanging vows with only those who really care (close family and friends...usually less than 50 people) and then celebrating in a way everyone can enjoy (no suits and ties, completely kid-friendly), makes me smile. Forget obsessing over napkin colors, table arrangements, aisle runners, taper candles vs. votives, and instead shift focus to what you are actually doing: opening up your life, every bit of minutia, to someone else. The wedding is not the end all be all, it is only the beginning...
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