Silly Scraps

Life coaches, therapists, organizers, and mothers have lots of tricks to help people remember things: lists, names, people they need to call, books they need to get, etc. One of the most widely used devices is writing it down. People encourage forgetfuls (those of us who tend to forget everything you need us to remember, but remember the most useless things in the world) to write down everything. I started to do this recently. A coworker asked to borrow a book that I own about a month ago. I told her I'd have to look for it as it's been years since I've even thought about it. I wrote it down on a piece of paper. I have yet to remember to look for that book, but the piece of paper telling me to do so is still in my purse or wallet.

I need to return a video I rented to the video store. Instead of writing this down on a piece of paper I have actually placed the DVD in my purse (it's a great purse; it has lots and lots of pockets in which I store many, many things--including pieces of paper with reminders written on them. Thanks Darin!). I have yet to return the DVD (yes, I know I need to get Netflix again).

I really must call the dentist. It has been too long since I've been in for a check up and I feel like my gums are weak. Does anyone else have that feeling? It's not always the same spot, but some days there will be a place on my gums, between two teeth, that just feels weak. Like it needs some special care. I know that the dentist will tell me I need to get back into the habit of flossing twice a day (I did actually do this for years and my dentist praised my perfectly pink gums...I thought that was weird, but I was proud at the same time). I have written myself a note to call my dentist. I have not done so. And again, I have not looked at the note that is somewhere in either wonderful purse or wallet (which, oddly, smells of cologne. Not the cologne of the only man I've been with in the past 7 months--which is an excellent cologne--, but some random cologne. It just showed up one day. Nothing else around it smelled like cologne. Odd, very odd).

I could go on and on about the many things that I've written down in order to better remember them and have not done (or not, because I'm positive there are many scraps of paper that I'm not remembering). This tends to happen because I simply do not look at these scraps of paper ever again. I put them in a place where I'm sure to notice them, such as my wallet (I'll see it every time I go to get some cash--unfortunately I use my debit card far more often), I place them in the top front pocket of wonderful purse where I'm sure to notice them every time I grab my car keys, cell phone, or iPod. I place them on my mirror at home where I will surely notice them each morning as I go to put on my mascara and eyeliner and make sure I don't look like a strung-out raccoon. The problem is I do see them and then I promptly get annoyed that all these scraps of paper are floating around my wallet, purse, and mirror!

"Writing it down," the go to advice of many, simply does not work for me. Calling me incessantly doesn't really work either. My mother will call me four times a day to remind me that I need to pick up some milk on my way home from work. I will roll my eyes and say, "I know, mother." I always forget the milk. Texting me a reminder often does work; but only if you get me at the right place at the right time. See, if you need to borrow my calculator (as B did this past weekend), texting me while I'm at the office is not a good reminder because my calculator is at home and by the time I get home I will forget all about the calculator and not look at my texts because I have no reason to. Texting me a reminder that you need the calculator while I'm at home and making dinner is also not going to help me remember. I will forget all about the calculator because I will be focusing on food and when food is imminent I will forget just about everything else. The best time to text me a reminder is while I am near the object you need so that I can get the text and immediately put that item into wonderful purse.

"But Faye," you say, "How am I to know when you are in the vicinity of what I need?" Easy! Text me or call me. In fact, calling would be great because then you will 1) know where I am, 2) be able to verbally berate me if I am nowhere near where you need me to be 3) you can hang on while I do what you need me to do. This will not work if you call me while I am already on my way to your house. If you call me and I am 10 minutes from your house I will not be particularly willing to turn around to get whatever it was you needed (unless you're B because I know that you could beat me up).

If you ask me to do something for you and I reply with, "Hold on, let me write this down. Otherwise I'll never remember," please kindly remind me that I will not remember if it is written down on a small scrap of paper. Once you have ensured that I have written on a large piece of cardboard or somewhere visible on the front of my body, make sure to follow up with a text or a phone call. Try not to get too angry with me when, for the thousandth time, I've forgotten what you wanted. Never ask me to water plants. I tend to forget all about plants. I don't notice that they are dead, have been removed, or have been replaced with another one. Plants just are not my thing. If you follow these simple guidelines we will get along swimmingly! If you buy me a PDA or iPhone that will actually send off alarms when something needs to be done, I will marry you (we will register at William Sanoma and I will get my KitchenAide mixer, in the color of my choice, once and for all!).